Whatever It's Worth
by bookdiva
Summary: What if Kensi had the number to the burner phone that Deeks gave Ray? Would she call him after the torture, when Deeks won't answer her calls? This was originally intended as a one-shot, but let me know if you want more :)
1. Calling Ray

_**AN: Hey guys! It's been a busy season, but I'm back… sorta! ;) This just came to me, so let me know what you think!**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

Ignored. Again.

Kensi leaned back in her chair, unsure of what to do. Her partner had ignored her 40 odd calls. She hadn't even talked to him since they'd stood in the bull pen.

_"For whatever it's worth."_

Those were the last words he'd spoken directly to her.

_"For whatever it's worth."_

She sighed for what felt like the thousandth time and leaned forward to rest her elbows on her desk. It was a slow morning in OSP. Sam had just returned to work, and was currently exchanging barbs with Callen, who was pretending to work on paperwork beside her. Neither man seemed to notice Kensi's uncharacteristic lack of paperwork.

It turned out that, without her partner around on a daily basis, her social life wasn't all that… full. Actually, she'd had almost nothing to do with her free time for the last month but do paperwork and make ignored calls. And now that they finally a slow day in the office, she had a suspicious lack of anything to occupy her mind.

_Maybe Hetty has some cold cases I can go over,_ she thought. She turned her chair, intending to go ask, when something caught her eye.

A plain yellow sticky note with her partner's handwriting:

_**Ray- 555-867-5309**_

He'd given it to her in case of an emergency. For a moment, Kensi couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. After being Max, Deeks had been almost desperate to show her he still trusted her, and that he was still worthy of her trust. Giving her the number to the burner phone he'd given to Ray was his way of saying 'we're good'.

_Maybe Ray would know how to reach him…_

The thought caught her off guard.

_He might, though,_ she realized. _They grew up together, after all, so Ray must have seen Deeks after… the not so great parts of his life. _

Deciding that her partner's situation definitely constituted an emergency, Kensi grabbed the sticky and her phone.

"I'm taking an early lunch," Kensi said over her shoulder to Sam and Callen. Both nodded, but neither hollered requests her way, for which she was grateful.

Kensi slipped out of the mission building to the parking lot. Getting in her car, she locked the door and pulled out the stick note.

_You can do this, Kens,_ she assured herself. _It's for Deeks. Anything for Deeks. _

With that strengthening thought, she grabbed her phone with new found determination and dialed the number. It rang once. Twice. Three times.

After the fourth ring, her stomach was in knots and she was seriously considering hanging up.

"Hey, man! You and Wikipedia finally worked out that thing, huh?" Ray's voice came over the line.

Kensi was too stunned to reply.

_They talked about our thing? _she thought, amazed. _That's why he gave Ray the phone? To let him know about _us_? Our thing? _

"Marty?" Ray's slightly worried voice interrupted her thoughts.

"N-no, it's Kensi," she finally said.

"Oh!" Ray said, sounding more than a little surprised. "Hey, Wikipedia! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"He really talked to you about our… thing?" Kensi breathed, ignoring his question.

"Yeah," Ray said, drawing out the word. "Look, I don't know how many bro-code laws I've already broken in this conversation… wait a second. How'd you even get this number?"

"Deeks gave it to me," she answered. "Said to use it in emergencies. Which this is…"

"What's wrong?" Ray asked, not able to disguise the worry in his voice. "What's happened to Marty? Is he hurt?"

Kensi closed her eyes, suddenly fighting tears.

"N-no, well yes… kind of…."

"Which is it?" Ray exclaimed, clearly worried over his little brother.

"He's okay… physically," she managed at last. "At least now. But about a month ago, we had a mission go… wrong. Deeks was captured and… he was, um, he was…" Kensi tried to get the words out, but she couldn't make herself say it.

"He was what?" Ray exclaimed, sounding more and more agitated. "Shot? Disabled? What!?"

"Tortured," Kensi finally ground out. The word left a bitter taste in her mouth, and a stunned silence on the other end of the line.

"_Oh my god_," Ray finally whispered. It was silent between then for another long moment. "How—"

"That's why I'm calling you," Kensi interrupted him. "He's not taking my calls, and I haven't seen him in almost a month. I don't know how to help him, and then I saw your number and I thought…"


	2. He's My Everything

_**AN: Wow. I never cease to be amazed by you, amazing reviewers! Thank you! This chapter is for all the wonderful reviewers, who made the decision between making this a collection of one-shots or a legit story! **_

_**It's officially a legit story! **_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

"…I'd be able to get to him," Ray finished for her. Kensi nodded, then suddenly remembered that Ray couldn't see her.

"Y-yeah," she choked out. Talking was suddenly near impossible for her. There was silence on the line for a long while before Kensi couldn't take it anymore. "Ray, I'm desperate here! I-I don't know _how_ to help him, or if I even _can_."

"Look, Kensi," Ray said, his voice uncharacteristically serious, "if _anyone_ can help Marty it's _you_. Not me."

It wasn't the answer Kensi had been expecting, and if she were being honest—which was admittedly quite rare—it wasn't the response she'd wanted, either. It seemed to echo all the guilt she'd been living with for the past month.

_If I had been there… If I hadn't left… If I had _said_ something… _

If I, if I, if I…. She kept playing the game in her mind. Over and over and over and over.

"What do you mean?" she asked Ray eventually. He gave a humorless chuckle in response—one that sounded so much like Deeks's that it physically hurt her heart.

"I mean," Ray said, "that all his life Marty has had people disappoint him and leave him. His dad, his mom, hell, even _me_. But with you, he's finally found a safe place. Someone who would never disappoint him. Someone who would never _leave_ him."

Ray's words were like a knife to Kensi's heart, and the tears she'd held at bay for over a month finally broke loose. Tears streaked silently down her cheeks as she held her breath to keep the sobs at bay. It was silent for a long moment before Kensi couldn't hold it back anymore. A sob slipped through her tight control.

"Kensi?!" Ray sounded surprised. "Are you—why are you _crying_? What did I say?"

But by that time, Kensi's control crumbled, and she slipped into silent sobs. Every once in a while, a sound would come out, letting Ray know she was still there and still crying.

"Kensi, talk to me," Ray's desperate voice came over the line. It sounded so much like something Deeks would say, that Kensi paused.

_Get it together,_ she chided herself, trying desperately to rein in her overwhelming emotions. _You're not helping Deeks like this. _

"I-I'm s-s-sorry, Ray," Kensi finally managed to get a full sentence out. "I-I just… I m-m-messed up, Ray."

"Shhh, Kensi, it's _okay_," Ray said, desperately trying to reassure her. "Look, you can talk to me, okay? Tell me whatever it is. Maybe… maybe I _could_ help."

"I don't know, Ray," she whispered. "I really, _really_ screwed up."

"Good," Ray responded tersely. This snapped Kensi slightly out of her funk and left her confused.

"G-good?"

"Yes, good," Ray replied. He seemed to realize that being sympathetic wouldn't help Kensi, so he was being more direct. "It's good that it was _you_ who did something stupid, because that means that _you_ can fix it."

"I-I don't know," Kensi said, still unsure.

"Well, why the hell not?" Ray demanded. "What happened?"

Kensi sighed, and suddenly the whole story came flooding out.

"I was—I was angry at him," she began, recalling that moment vividly. "I was irrational and ridiculous and he was doing a job, and it's not like I really had any official claim over him—" she ignored Ray's incredulous scoff and continued, "—but I was just so damn _frustrated_! And I berated his communication skills, and what does he do? He just _kisses_ me! And then he pulls back, and I can't think of a damn _thing_ to say, and then he's all, _'how's that for communication?'_ and, and, and… and _I didn't know what to say!_" Kensi began to unconsciously pace during her rant.

"I didn't know what to say," she repeated softer. "And… and I had to stay with the other agent. I had to. It's my job. So I… I l-l-left."

"Ah," Ray said, understanding coloring his tone.

"And then all hell broke loose!" Kensi continued, as if she hadn't heard him. "And then when we finally found him… I had to make him stay. Just for awhile longer, but he…" she trailed off. Suddenly, it was as if she was no longer in her car, talking to Ray. She was in that warehouse, standing in front of her beaten partner. His eyes were begging her to untie him. To _save_ him. "He asked me to untie him. He thought—he thought I was there to save him, and that everything would be okay. But I—"

"You left him there." There wasn't a hint of condemnation in Ray's voice. Only understanding. It infuriated Kensi.

"Yes!" she exploded. "I left him there." She was silent for a moment before she continued, more upset than before. "How can you not be yelling at me, Ray? Did you not hear me? LEFT HIM THERE!"

"I heard you the first time, Kens," Ray said, sounding calm. Kensi didn't give him the chance to continue.

"How the hell can you be so calm about this?" she demanded.

"But you went back for him," Ray answered. This managed to render Kensi confused, yet again.

"Of course I went back for him," she said. "He—he's my…" _Everything. _Deeks's words flashed in her mind.

_"Your smile... your laugh…. Everything…."_

_Yes, _she realized. _He's my everything. _

"So, go back for him _again_," Ray said, cutting Kensi out of her thoughts. And she understood what Ray was saying. _Don't give up on him. _

Suddenly, it _all_ made sense. And in that moment, after thanking Ray and promising to call when she'd fixed things, Kensi knew what she had to do.

* * *

_**P. S. Wow. That was emotionally draining to write. **_

_**P. P. S. If any of you have some prompts for me to get started on a one-shot compilation, I'd love to hear them. PM me, or leave it in a review :D**_


	3. I Bought Him A Cronut

_**AN: Hey guys! I'm sorry there's been so many glitches with posting chapter 2. I hope chapter 3 posts with no glitches… Gotta love the internet, right? Anywho, enjoy this, and if you couldn't get to chapter 2, go back and read that as well :D**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

After hanging up with Ray, Kensi quickly pulled herself together. It was easier to do now that she'd come up with a plan to reach her partner.

When she walked back into the mission, the bull pen was empty. Kensi looked around for a moment, confused and wondering where her team had gone.

"We caught a case," Callen called from upstairs.

_Guess I'll have to hold off on that plan until tonight. _

Kensi nodded and immediately headed up the stairs. Even that small action increased the ache in her heart, and made her miss Deeks even more. It was just her and Callen, as Sam had been sent to the boat shed to talk to Nate.

After the briefing up in OPS, Kensi and Callen headed out to the scene of the wreck. The ride there was silent, for which Kensi was both immensely grateful for and resentful of. She was still reeling over her conversation with Ray and her realization of what she had to do, but she'd give anything to listen to her partner's normal babble.

As they were walking up to the crime scene, though, the silence suddenly became more than Kensi could bear. She missed her partner—his incessant babble, his lame jokes, his smile… _everything_—so much that it physically hurt.

"Sorry," she finally muttered to Callen, who was clearly not exactly thrilled to be going out with her. Again. "I know you were looking forward to getting back out with Sam."

"Well it's the same for you and Deeks," Callen responded, looking straight ahead. Kensi still jerked her head to the side to hide her humorless smirk.

_Yeah, _not_ the same. Not at all._

"Well, let's stay positive," she replied instead.

"Good idea," Callen answered.

Kensi fought it for another moment before she continued.

"He won't return my calls."

_God, you sound like a teenage girl,_ she berated herself.

"Don't take it personally," Callen replied, finally glancing over at her. "Sam's staying close to home, too. I couldn't get him to go to a Lakers game!"

"Yeah," she ranted back, thinking of the package that was still on her partner's doorstep, "I bought him a _cronut_."

"I had court side se—you bought him a _what_?" Callen asked, stopping to look at her. Kensi stopped as well.

"A cronut," she said, exasperated. _He's missing the point here. _But Callen still looked confused, so she continued, "It's a croissant-donut hybrid. Deeks loves them. I can only get them at this little bakery in New York City, and I left it on his door step…" she trailed off. "It's still there!"

Callen smirked at her rant, thinking she sounded a hell of a lot like her partner in that moment.

"He'll be okay," he tried to reassure her.

"Yeah," Kensi looked away, then on second thought added, "They both will."

Callen's knowing look was suddenly just too much for Kensi.

"I'll call Eric," she said, backing away. "See if he spoke to the IT guys."

She didn't stick around to see if Callen agreed or not. She just dialed OPS, checked in with Eric, and when she hung up, she stared down at her phone.

Before she could consciously think through what she was doing, she pressed 1 on her speed dial.

It rang five times before an automated voice said, "I'm sorry, but the number you have called has a voice mailbox that is full. Please try again later."

Ignored. Again.

_Don't let it bother you,_ she told herself firmly. _You'll see him tonight. No matter what, you'll see him tonight._

* * *

_**Review extra for two chapters? ;)**_


	4. What He Would Do

_**AN: Yep. You rock! Hopefully no glitches! Enjoy (and review)!**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

"What's the good word on our Mr. Deeks?"

Hetty's voice caused Kensi to stop dead in her tracks. She slipped into a dark corner so she could listen, hoping to gain any information about her partner.

"He's hurting," Nate's voice responded.

_Nate spoke to Deeks, too? _Kensi realized. Then a pang went through her heart. _He talked to Nate and not me…_

"Can he return to work?" Hetty's curt question cut off Kensi's slight pity party.

_Is that really all you care about? _Kensi wondered angrily. It took all of her self-control to keep from marching into Hetty's office. In the end, her desperation for any information about Deeks just barely overrode her anger at Hetty's comment.

"Yes." There was no hesitation in Nate's voice, and relief coursed through Kensi. "Whether he will or not is the question for him. He's not sleeping. He can't work through this if he doesn't get some rest."

"And his partner?"

Kensi stopped breathing at Hetty's next question, waiting for Nate's reply.

"It's a… _complicated_… _relationship_." This time there was slight hesitation and uncertainty in Nate's voice. Kensi's heart beat became too loud in her ears at the words _'complicated' _and _'relationship'_, and she let out a slow, silent breath to calm it slightly.

"Aren't… they _all_?" Hetty asked significantly, tilting her head up at Nate.

"You asked me if he could come back to work," Nate said, sounding a tad defensive.

_He knows something,_ Kensi realized. Whether Deeks had told him or not didn't matter. Nate _knew_.

"And now I'm asking you about his relationship with Kensi," Hetty returned.

"Are you playing semantics with me?" Nate returned. For a moment, Kensi was reminded of another conversation.

_"You can't keep doing that. You can't keep answering my questions with questions."_

_"Why not?"_

_"You have _terrible_ communication skills."_

"He's very… _close_… to his partner," Nate continued.

"Too _close_… to return?" Hetty asked the question more as a statement.

_No,_ Kensi thought determinedly. _Close enough to return. That's the difference._

Kensi waited a long moment for Nate's reply, but it didn't come.

"I asked for your opinion, Mr. Getz," Hetty prodded in her steely, no-nonsense voice.

"And I'm invoking doctor-patient confidentiality," Nate said, with an equal amount of determination. "That's not a question for me to answer, and you damn well know it."

Kensi bit back her gasp of surprise. She'd never heard Nate stand up to Hetty like that, let alone swear. She couldn't believe it was the same man she'd worked with years ago, but she was grateful.

"I should go," Nate said after a tense silence. "I have a plane to catch tomorrow."

"Hmm," Hetty nodded.

With that, Nate turned, walking right past Kensi's hiding place.

_Shit!_

"Kensi?" Nate whispered. Kensi's eyes widened, and Nate glanced back over his shoulder. Kensi followed his glance and saw that Hetty was thankfully back at her desk, talking on her phone. Nate subtly jerked his head, signaling her to follow him. When they finally reached a security camera blind spot in the parking lot, Nate turned to look down at Kensi.

"Kensi, you shouldn't've—"

"How is he, Nate?" Kensi demanded, not caring for his lecture. Nate's eyes widened at Kensi's uncharacteristic display of desperation, but Kensi couldn't care less. She just wanted to know how her partner had been when he'd talked to Nate.

"Kens, you know I can'—"

"I don't care about any of the things Hetty was asking about," she said, shooting a glare towards the mission building.

"So you were listening," Nate said, narrowing his eyes. Kensi rolled hers.

"Of course," she said, brushing it off like listening in on her boss's confidential meeting was nothing. "I just…" she trailed off, fighting back the tears. "How _is_ he, Nate? Really?"

Nate sighed, giving in to Kensi's desperate question.

"He really is hurting, Kens," he answered honestly. Kensi nodded her head, telling herself that she knew that. But coming from Nate somehow made it all more official. Her partner, her Deeks, her… everything… really was hurting. He wasn't gone on some ridiculous vacation or even deep undercover. He was _hurting_.

"I don't know what to do, Nate," Kensi whispered in a small, shaky voice. She'd felt confident after her talk with Ray, but now, hearing from Nate that her partner was hurting, she began to doubt herself again. She looked up into Nate's surprised eyes. "I don't know what to do to fix it."

Nate's expression cleared in understanding.

"If the roles were reversed," he began hesitantly, "what would he do?"

Kensi couldn't help the slight chuckle that passed her lips. She thought for a moment before she answered.

"He'd bug me," she decided. "He'd show up at my door every night with take out and ice cream and twinkies and beer, and the ice cream would melt every time, because I wouldn't let him in." She smiled because she could so clearly picture it happening. "And then he'd wise up after a week or so and finally bring Monty. Then he'd pick the lock. I'd probably pull my gun on him, and he'd hold his hands up in surrender and tell me not to shoot."

She looked up at Nate to see if he was still following her. At his nod, she continued again.

"I'd pretend to be pissed. He'd apologize for breaking in, and he'd make up some excuse about how Monty wouldn't shut up until he brought him to see me, and ask if I knew what it was like to live with a cranky dog." She smiled again. "And I'd probably say something like, 'Well I put up with _you_ every day' and then we'd eat the take out and the ice cream and the twinkies and the beer and watch a movie, and…" She trailed off, catching herself before she said they'd fall asleep, snuggled together on the couch.

_He doesn't need to know that, _she decided. _Hetty doesn't need to ever know that. _

She looked up at Nate, wondering if her rant made any sense. He smiled back at her.

"Then maybe," he said slowly, "that's exactly what he needs you to do."


	5. Not Broken Just Bent

_**AN: Again, thank you for all the reviews! You all rock! This chapter was originally filler, but I think it turned out pretty good! Let me know what you think :D**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

With a plan now firmly planted in her mind, Kensi left the OSP mission with determined steps. Twenty minutes later she was at Yummy Yummy Heart Attack, ordering drunken pigs, picking up chinese beer, and asking the nice old lady behind the counter for some sporks. It was the same lady they always saw there, and she smiled knowingly.

"I haven't seen that boyfriend of yours around for a few weeks," she said, causing Kensi to cough uncomfortably. "I was wondering when one or both of you would be coming around now that we're open again!"

"Um, yeah, he's been… out of town," Kensi lied uncomfortably, but the old lady smiled.

"Well then," she said with a mischievous wink, "you enjoy that with him tonight."

Kensi just nodded mutely and made for the door as quickly as she could.

Everyone always assumed they were together. _Everyone_!

_Suspects, teammates, co-workers, my mom…_ her thoughts trailed off. _Shoot, mom!_

She whipped out her phone and dialed her mom's number. She answered on the third ring.

"Hey sweetie," Julia greeted, not sounding as annoyed as Kensi thought she should.

"H-hey mom," Kensi replied. She hadn't seen her mom since before the whole Siderov incident, but she'd had plans for a few months before that to go to a concert with her mom.

_Of course it had to be tonight,_ Kensi thought. But it didn't matter what she had to do. She wasn't leaving her partner—her _everything_—alone and disappointed ever again.

"Are you still coming?" Julia asked. "If we leave now we could still make the second half of the concert."

"I'm really sorry, mom," Kensi said, feeling bad that she was letting her mom down. "I just got off work—"

"It's no big deal, Kens," Julia cut off with a smile in her voice. Kensi couldn't bring herself to return it. "Like I said, we can still make the second half. Or, if you're not feeling that, you could just come over to my house. Burnt Offerings is on at 11."

"I-I can't, mom," Kensi said, shutting her eyes briefly even as she wove in and out of traffic. "S-something came up, and Deeks… he needs me tonight."

"Something happened to Marty?" her mom's tone instantly changed to worry. "Has he been hurt? Is he at the hospital? Is there something I can do?"

"N-no mom," Kensi choked out with a lingering sigh. "Deeks isn't at the hospital. He's been out for about two and a half weeks now. But he's, um…" She couldn't make herself say it.

_He's what, Kens? _her subconscious demanded. _Hurting? PTSD? Broken?_

_No!_ she rebelled against that last thought. _He's not broken. Just… just bent._

She smiled at the song lyric she quoted in her mind. It made her feel just a little closer to Deeks.

"Kensi?" Julia's questioning voice.

"I can't—I can't talk about it, mom," she whispered, knowing her mom would understand. Everything about this situation with Deeks was classified, and what wasn't classified for national security was classified by Kensi as too dangerous to even think about.

"Please tell Marty I'm thinking of him, and if he ever needs anything—"

"I will, mom," Kensi managed.

After hanging up with her mom, Kensi pulled up to her partner's apartment complex. She got out of her car and walked up to Deeks's door. Sure enough, the cronut sat in it's package, right where she'd left it. She leaned down and picked it up gingerly. It's undisturbed nature broke her heart. The old Deeks would have devoured it in one bite. He always teased her about her Twinkies, but if anything, he was just as addicted to cronuts.

_They're just not as easy to come by as Twinkies,_ Kensi thought with a ghost of a smile. She slipped the cronut into the bag, thinking it better to keep that information to herself.

_Well Callen knows…_ she reminded herself. _So maybe just Deeks doesn't need to know. Right. Okay. You can do this. _

But she just stood there for a long moment, staring at his door, trying to get up the courage to knock. Even with her hands full of Yummy Yummy heart attack and chinese beer, she pulled out her phone and dialed 1.

Ignored. Again.

_Not broken,_ she reminded herself as she raised her fist to knock. _Just bent. _


	6. It's a Love Story

_**AN: And here it is, the chapter we've all been waiting for! Yay! Let me know what you think, just like always! And Happy New Year, my friends!**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

Her fist hit the door. Once. Twice. Three times.

"Coming—I'm coming!"

She finally heard his voice coming through the door, and her heart jumped into her throat.

_You can do this,_ she reminded herself. _For Deeks, you can do this. _

The peep hole flashed open, and she heard her partner groan slightly on the other side of the door. For a moment, she actually feared that he would retreat back into his room and pretend he wasn't home, so she held up the Yummy Yummy Heart Attack bag.

_I will pick this lock if I have to,_ she thought determinedly. But she'd rather have him let her in.

Then the door opened and there stood her partner.

"Hi."

"Hey."

He had dark circles under his eyes, his hair was unkept, and he looked even scruffier than usual. She could see that his apartment was a mess behind him. It wasn't the slightly OCD Deeks she knew and loved. The whole picture was worse than she'd imagined, and it was almost as hard for her to see as him strapped to that chair.

Almost, but not quite. She had a feeling that nothing would ever trump that moment, no matter how long she lived.

She remembered her only honest words to him through the whole ordeal.

_"I'm here for you if you wanna talk about it, or not talk at all…."_

If only she'd said more.

She pushed all of that out of her mind as she hesitantly walked in, unsure if she was welcomed.

"I've been calling."

"Yeah, I think I musta… had my… phone off."

She doesn't call him out on the obvious lie. She's here, and he sort of let her in. It's not much, but it's a start. Instead, she turns around with a silly, Deeks-like grin on her face.

"Guess what re-opened…" she waves the familiar, greasy bag at him again. His eyes widen in surprise.

"Is that Yummy Yummy Heart Attack?" he asks, closing the door.

"Yep," she replies, popping the 'p' sound, just like he normally would. "Three F's from the Health Department and still going strong."

"Yeah, if F stood for Fabulous. You get the drunken pigs?"

"With extra cream cheese, you're welcome." The look she gives him says, _duh. _It says everything that she doesn't say, _I know you, Deeks. _

"I think I just felt a shiver."

_That would make two of us,_ Kensi thought wryly as her partner sat beside her on his couch. She silently despised the six inches of space between them.

"You want me to, uh, grab something to drink?" he asked.

"Oh, no, no, I have got you covered, my friend," Kensi said, lifting the chinese beer up and placing it in his lap.

"Wow." For a moment, Deeks actually seems speechless. "One day you are going to make someone the perfect… personal assistant."

Both of them can tell that wasn't what he was going to say, but neither of them are ready to call him on it.

"You got a fork?" he asks, breaking the silence.

"I've got a _spork_," she says, holding one out to him.

He chuckles. It doesn't come out quite right, but he still manages more of a smile than she's seen in weeks, so she decides she'll take it.

"Yeah, you do."

"Oh, I have been waiting for this." It slips out before she means it to, so she hastily covers, "The smell in the car…"

_Because that's going to help,_ she berates herself. _I thought you were being honest. _

"Are you kidding me? I forgot how good this was."

"Oh, this is so good."

And they both know that neither of them is talking about the food. They're talking about _this_. About _them_. About sitting on the couch—closer than just partners or friends should—eating take out and bantering.

"You think it's bad for us?"

She can't stop herself from reassuring him.

"Eh, you only live once."

"Yeah, probably a lot shorter when you eat like this."

She finally allows herself to turn her head to meet his eyes, and her heart swells slightly at his real joking remark.

"You got napkins?" he asks, his mouth slightly full. He reaches over to the bag at the same time she does.

Her hand freezes on his arm, tingling from the touch. It's not until he pulls it out that she remembers the cronut is in the bag.

"Is that desert?" he wonders aloud, pulling the stale cronut from the bag.

"Ah, no," Kensi says, avoiding his eyes. "It's nothing."

"You got me a cronut?" The child-like wonder in his voice is enough to make her look over at him.

"Um, I did," Kensi begins, taking the cronut out of his hand, "but it was awhile ago, and I left it at your doorstep, so that's old. Don't eat it." She rolls her eyes and moves to put it in the trash bag, but Deeks's hand on her wrist stops her. His touch burns her, causing her to relinquish the cronut to him.

"No, no, no, don't throw it away!" Deeks protests, holding the cronut up to inspect. "It's the thought that counts. I'm gonna frame this thing."

"You're so weird," she says, shaking her head. But what she really means is, _I'm so glad it meant something to you. _

Because she may have been hard on him about his communication skills, but the truth is that hers aren't much better. In fact, they're probably worse.

"I mean, look at that," he continues, staring at the cronut in amazement. "It's like America and France made slow, sweet love then had a pastry baby."

Her eyes widen at the suggestive remark, but she takes it and falls back into a cautious form of their teasing. It's not quite at the mutant ninja assassin quip level, but it's close. She can't help the laugh that escapes, almost causing beer to squirt out her nose.

"You sure you don't want a bite?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.

"No seriously," she says, shaking her head, "it's been out there for _awhile_."

He puts it on the table, looking slightly ashamed at her unconscious reminder of how long he'd been ignoring her.

"I'll probably still eat that."

She just shakes her head and reaches over for his remote, desperate to change the subject.

"Okay, so," she says, reaching down to remove her shoes, "Burnt Offerings is on at 11."

"I don't really know if I'm up for a movie…"

"Oh-ho-ho yes you are, because I can _not_ watch this alone," Kensi says, settling back on the couch.

_I can _not_ leaving you alone. Ever. Again. _

"It's rated triple B," she says, trying to pique his interest.

"What's that?" he bites almost immediately.

"Blood, breasts, and beasts," she says, looking up at him covertly and waiting for his reaction.

"What was the last one?" he asks, a ghost of a Deeks smirk still on his face.

"Beasts," she repeats with a tilt of her head, eyeing him quizzically.

"Well you know how I love big _beasts_," he says, looking over at her.

She smirks and shakes her head at him, but she's so happy to hear his teasing manner return that she can't even bring herself to mock outrage.

"Either way, you're watching it with me."

"I thought you loved horror movies," he says, sounding slightly confused.

"I do," she says, nodding emphatically. "Just not by myself." He still seems unsure, so Kensi Marie Blye resorts to something she never thought she'd have to do. "Watch it with me," she begs, trying out Deeks's puppy eyes. "Watch it with me…. _Watch it with me!_"

"You won me over with the pastry baby," he says, smiling over at her.

"Awesome, okay," she says, laughing because she can't contain her joy at actually being let in for real, even that small amount. "Alright."

"You wanna use my cat pillow?" His question begs for a snarky reply.

"It's pink," she manages a light tone. "Very masculine."

Normally, he'd insert a quip about his manliness, maybe even something about mutant ninja assassins, but with the things left unsaid between them, she can tell he doesn't quite feel comfortable enough with her. He shifts a little farther away from her on the couch, putting another pillow behind his head.

She lets out a nervous laugh to cover her disappointment, and then she takes a page from his normal playbook. She rambles.

"So, Oliver Reed and Karen Black move into this mansion with their son and their elderly aunt, played by Betty Davis—who I absolutely _love_—and then Burgess Meredith, who played Mickey in the Rocky films… and it was _sooo_ sad when he dies… oh my god, it was the best scene _ever_, and his sister play the caretakers of this mansion. And then their mother, she's like an elderly recluse… in the attic, and then…" she trails off as she looks down at her partner's peaceful face.

_He's asleep. _

"…the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz show up with guns and there's a big shoot out."

"Hmm…" he mumbles, not sounding conscious. "Those monkeys are scary…"

She looked down at him, grateful that he was sleeping and trying to decide what to do next. Deciding to risk it, she shifted slightly and laid down next to him, close enough that her shoulder was pressed against his. Their faces were barely an inch apart, reminding her of a much pleasanter time, when their faces had been even an inch closer.

"What happens next?" she couldn't help the words that slipped out. It was easier to ask him, though, when she knew he wasn't able to hear her.

"It's a love story."

The words were soft but clear. There was no mistaking them for something else, just like there'd been no mistaking his kiss for a cover.

She still can't help the question from leaving her mouth.

"What?"

But at that point, he's asleep, and he doesn't answer her. She settles in closer to him, closing her eyes, inhaling his scent. She tries to clear her mind, but his words keep replaying in her mind.

_"It's a love story."_

And she knows, no matter what they face in the future, that she'll always have this moment—those words—to cling on to.

_"It's a love story."_

* * *

**_This was my favorite chapter yet! Review please?_**


	7. Same Manual Safety

_**AN: I'm so sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Like I've been saying lately: lack of inspiration. But I'm back. Sorta. :) I'll be continuing this, using spots of the show, but moving the episode 9 ending up… you'll see :) Hope you all enjoy, and (as always) leave me a lovely little review! They bring me joy!**_

_**Blessings,**_

_**bookdiva**_

* * *

Kensi awoke to an alarm going off beside her head. She was lying stretched out on a couch, covered in a blanket and surrounded by the smell of Deeks. When she sat up, she was disoriented at first, but then she remembered she was at her partner's apartment.

The second thing she noticed was that her partner was suspiciously absent. Her heart lurched in her chest.

_He's gone… Just like Jack. He left. I'm alone, and he left, and I'll never see him again. _

It took her a moment to calm down and realize that his phone was sitting on the table, currently playing a techno song. She reached over and grabbed the phone, intent on shutting off the noise when she noticed the alarm name.

_See you soon,_ It read.

_Well that's… odd…_ she thought to herself. _He wouldn't have left his phone… right? _Under the phone, there was a note in Deeks's messy scrawl.

_Fern-_

_Thanks for staying last night. I went in early. See you soon. _

_Deeks_

Kensi read it again, thoroughly confused, but she was also greatly relieved. _He didn't leave._

_See you soon,_ she read again. _Does that mean he went in… to work? Is he cleared? Nate did say he could return… But so soon? _

She shook the thoughts from her mind and ran out to her car to grab her go bag. She was grateful she'd kept it in her car. She brought in into her partner's apartment, pulling on clean jeans and a black t-shirt. She quickly brushed through her hair, brushed her teeth, dusted on minimal make up, and headed out the door.

She pulled up to the mission and headed in. Sure enough, her partner's shoulder bag sat on his desk, but he was nowhere to be found.

"I believe," Hetty said from behind her, "that your partner is in the shooting range. Perhaps you should go… speak with him."

Kensi turned, eyeing the small woman suspiciously before nodding tensely and striding toward the range. When she peered through the small glass window, she saw her partner. He fired off a shot that hit the target in the shoulder.

She watched his head twitch slightly to the side, a sure sign that he was berating himself. He lowered his weapon, then aimed again. The bullet his around the center mass. He nodded, seemingly satisfied, and she took that as her cue to enter.

"New Smith and Weston?" she called, trying her damnedest to sound casual.

_Last night didn't actually happen,_ she told herself sternly. _You ate Yummy Yummy Heart Attack and had a strange dream. Nothing more. Ah, who are you kidding..._

"New gun, same manual safety," he said, not looking at her.

"It's helpful, if a junkie tries to snatch it from you." He turns to look at her, his ocean blue eyes more opaque and unreadable than usual. "Someone once told me that."

He held her eyes for a long moment before turning away again without a word.

_I can't DO this!_ Kensi thought to herself, internally freaking out. _I can't carry the conversation. I'm not Deeks! I don't know how to get him to open up. Say something… ANYTHING!_

"So you're here to…?" she trailed off, leaving the question for him to answer.

"Work," he said, tersely. "I'm here to work."

_To work? _she thought, exasperated. _You freaked me out this morning._

She pushed those thoughts aside and instead said, "You back?"

"I'm gonna take it one day at a time."

She forced herself to nod. "Cool."

_At least he's not leaving,_ she reminded herself. _He'll come back. He has to. It is a love story, after all…_

They stared at each other for a long minute, neither one willing to talk about the night before or look away.

Suddenly, her phone rang out Eric's automated ring tone alert.

"This is your automated call to OPS. Please proceeded to the operations center immediately for further instructions," Eric's robotic voice commanded.

At the sound, Deeks broke eye contact.

"Really?" he asked, raising his eyebrows disbelievingly and sounding a little more like his old self. Kensi smiled a little, grateful for the lightness.

"That's Eric _one-point-oh_. Two-point-oh would be a hologram."

Deeks smiled, but there was a lack of humor behind it. It twinged Kensi's heart just a little more.

"Let's go, partner," she said, walking toward the doors. He looked back at the target one last time before walking past her out the door.

"So if Eric two-point-oh is a hologram, what's Eric three-point-oh?"

It was not quite their normal banter, but Kensi decided she'd take it.

"At that point?" she asked, trying to smile mischievously at her partner. "He's just Nell."

"Well, well, well…" Sam's voice interrupted her. Kensi glanced up and saw Sam and Callen making their way toward the stairs to OPS.

She stood back and watched the two senior agents welcome her partner back, but she could tell he was a little uncomfortable with the situation.

"Let's go," she said, nodding to the stairs. She smiled at the relieved look on his face.

"Shall we," he said, already heading up the stairs. She smiled a real half-smile as she followed him.

_Maybe this love story will end happy. _


End file.
